reacting to tragic events

when a tragic event takes place (of any caliber), i tend to react two ways. 1) avoid it and hide behind humor or 2) obsess about it, taking in as much details as i can. unfortunately for me, it’s usually one of these extremes; finding a middle ground has never happened.

i have done the latter with most big tragedies: 9/11, Columbine, Princess Di’s death, the Holocaust, this one time someone jumped off the roof of a building close to where i lived in NYC, and a few others.

i notice i choose to obsess over something that i’m not directly connected to. my brain becomes so incredibly intrigued and i want to know all the why’s and how’s.

i tend to go with first option stated when a “tragedy” is connected directly to me. whether it is the death of someone i knew, the “death” of a relationship, or any type of internal struggle i might have. for it’s in those times that i like to “appear” strong; thus abandoning how i might actually be feeling and opt to mask those feelings with humor.

in the case at hand, referring to the incident on campus, i seem to be reacting with a type of obsession. i’ve read all the articles and comments people have left, i listened to the 911 call, etc. and though i don’t mind expressing how i “really” feel to ryan, i don’t feel comfortable expressing it here in a public forum. and really, it’s not appropriate in the whole scheme of things, nor is it my place. i will say i have such mixed emotions about the incident… and my heart goes out to the husband and son, their family will remain in my prayers as they strive to find peace and healing.